Hull City 1 - 5 Tottenham Hotspur

Jermaine Defoe's hat-trick at Hull made it two wins out of two for Tottenham

From the ridiculous to the sublime. It took Tottenham 10 games to win six points last season; after two outings of the new campaign they boast an impeccable record and sit joint top at the of the Premier League. Having suffered their worst ever start last season, Spurs can now boast, albeit after just two games, their best start since 1965.

Jermaine Defoe led the rout with the season’s first hat-trick, highlighted by a quite stunning third in added time, while Wilson Palacios and Robbie Keane completed this wrecking job. Arsenal made have shocked Everton with a 6-1 win last weekend but Spurs came close.

Tottenham, buoyed by their opening day victory over Liverpool, started strongly with Robbie Keane – and his vivid yellow boots – controlling the game from a deep attacking position.

Peter Crouch had to settle, again, for a strating place on the bench and with only six minutes played Defoe came lose to an opener, the England striker’s delicate chip floating just over Boaz Myhill’s cross bar.

Hull, who gave home debuts to Stephen Hunt, Steven Mouyokolo and Seyi Olofinjana, were struggling to match Defoe’s pace and trickery and when he gave Spurs a 10th minute lead it came as little surprise.

Tom Huddlestone’s low forward pass found Defoe too easily and after easing away from Michael Turner, who found the bottom right-hand corner in sublime fashion.

Hull had shocked Chelsea on Saturday by taking the lead but this time they were the side being embarrassed, with Palacios receiving Keane’s 14th minute ball before finishing in similar fashion.

Spurs’ joy at such an impressive start was tempered by the departure, three minutes after the second goal, of goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes. He damaged an ankle as he went to gather a ball and was replaced by Carlo Cudicini, making his first Spurs appearance since February, curiously at the KC Stadium.

Hull made a change of their own soon afterwards, with Daniel Cousin sacrificed in an attempt to halt Spurs’ march – Geovanni replaced him – but the striker was not impressed and refused to shake the hand of manager Phil Brown.

But the change brought immediate returns. Hunt’s free-kick caused confusion in a defence missing Ledley King and, with Geovanni in close attendance, Cudicini was guilty of letting the bouncing ball find his net.

However, Spurs restored their two-goal advantage in the final minute of the first half when Alan Hutton and Keane combined for Defoe, who outstripped Turner before finishing in sublime fashion.

Hull, who started their first season in such devastating form with six wins from their opening nine games, made another change, replacing Mouyokolo with former Spurs favourite Nicky Barmby, with Bernard Mendy dropping to right-back.

Spurs, though, continued to dominate with 12 minutes remaining, Aaron Lennon’s cross was headed home by Keane. But the best came last with Defoe’s stunning strike in added time.

Tottenham 2 - 1 Liverpool

Instant hero: Tottenham debutant Sebastien Bassong scored the winner against Liverpool after Steven Gerrard had equalised from the penalty spot

Eyes blazing, arms outstretched, Rafael Benitez appealed to the referee for a penalty in the dying moments of the game yesterday with the kind of fervour that put him in contravention of any number of Football Association and Premier League respect campaigns. One game gone and Liverpool are feeling the heat.

Benitez's assistant manager, Sammy Lee, was sent off by the referee Phil Dowd a minute later on the advice of fourth official Stuart Attwell. Fernando Torres kicked out at Tom Huddlestone and Lucas Leiva weighed in with a shove to the Tottenham midfielder's chest. But when the whistle went for full-time the rest of the Premier League's big four had left Liverpool in the blocks.
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Benitez had calmed down by the time he reached his post-match press conference but his feelings had not changed on Dowd or Attwell. The first, he indicated, needed to check his eyesight for the penalty he failed to give against Benoît Assou-Ekotto; the latter, he said, was just too young to be officiating in the Premier League. The FA's Respect campaign has already got its work cut out with Benitez.

To his credit, Benitez did not try to pretend that Liverpool deserved to win just three months after they dispatched Spurs 3-1 at Anfield on the last day of the league season. Something was just not right in the heart of the team, they were outfought by Harry Redknapp's players and the malaise manifested in silly mistakes, like the clash of heads between Jamie Carragher and Martin Skrtel in the first half that left both of them off the pace.

Certainly, neither of Liverpool's centre-backs got anywhere near Sébastien Bassong, who scored the first goal of his career on his Spurs league debut with a beautifully poised header on 56 minutes. Benitez would surely have replaced Skrtel earlier if he had a better alternative on the bench than the untried 18-year-old Daniel Sanchez Ayala, who was eventually sent on when the disoriented Skrtel could play no more.

It is early days yet for Liverpool bu,t with the exception of the excellent Glen Johnson at right-back, there was little about them that could be argued was an improvement on last season. When Benitez was chasing the game with another attacking player he had no option but to bring on Andrei Voronin, who is no more effective than when he was sent on loan a year ago.

It would be inaccurate to put a defeat like this down to the absence of Xabi Alonso alone but his departure has undoubtedly made Liverpool weaker. There were other elements too: Steven Gerrard, fit again having missed England's game on Wednesday, was strangely quiet apart from his penalty equaliser; Torres hardly had a chance and Ryan Babel failed to seize his opportunity.

Only Pepe Reina could be said to have played anywhere near his best, saving brilliantly from Robbie Keane twice in the first half as his team-mates failed to take charge. In the course of a Premier League season, August form can be misleading but the early signs for another run at their first title in 20 years say that Liverpool have work to do.

They came up against a Tottenham team who, despite their new players, looked unusually well-drilled for a club that has endured some uniquely chaotic starts to the season. Ledley King was the pick of the home team, a magnificent presence in the centre of defence who offered a masterclass in how to keep Torres quiet, alongside a very composed Bassong.

Having watched his team "absolutely slaughtered" by Liverpool at White Hart Lane last season Spurs still won the game Redknapp said that this time they had encountered a very different Benitez side. They had set out to press and unsettle them and without Alonso and, as Redknapp said, his "ability to pass the ball round corners", Liverpool found themselves suffocated in midfield

Redknapp made the decision to start without his new £9m signing Peter Crouch and in his absence Keane missed three chances in the first half that he might usually have been expected to score. Nevertheless, Keane was part of a monumental effort from his side to close his former club down all over the pitch. When Crouch and Roman Pavlyuchenko came on as late substitutes, Spurs showed that their attacking strength runs a lot deeper than Liverpool's.

Spurs' first goal was not only the first for Assou-Ekotto in three years at the club, it was also the first in a career of more than 110 senior games and this one was worth waiting for. Huddlestone's free-kick cannoned into the wall and from there Assou-Ekotto took one touch to control it before dispatching it with his left foot into the top right-hand corner of Reina's goal.

Spurs were in control of the game at half-time and it needed a moment of individual excellence to drag Liverpool back into it. As the League's best paid full-back, Johnson has some pressure on him but he delivered in the 54th minute, surging past Huddlestone and Assou-Ekotto before going past Heurelho Gomes, who brought him down. Gerrard, taunted by the Spurs fans over his court case last month, thundered home the penalty.

That might have been the cue for Liverpool to go on and win it but it was Spurs who regained the lead just before the hour. Luka Modric's free-kick came from the right and Bassong got above Johnson and Carragher to head the ball past Reina.

Of the two penalty appeals for Liverpool the first looked borderline. Assou-Ekotto eased Voronin off the ball as the striker ran in on goal; then minutes later the same Spurs full-back appeared to handle the ball.

Tottenham Hotspur (4-4-2): Gomes; Corluka, King, Bassong, Assou-Ekotto; Lennon, Huddlestone, Palacios, Modric (O'Hara, 84); Defoe (Pavlyuchenko, 90), Keane (Crouch, 68). Substitutes not used: Hutton, Bentley, Naughton, Cudicini (gk). Liverpool (4-2-3-1): Reina; Johnson, Carragher, Skrtel (Ayala, 75), Insua; Mascherano, Lucas; Kuyt (Voronin, 79), Gerrard, Babel (Benayoun, 68); Torres. Substitutes not used: Cavalieri (gk), Spearing, Kelly, Dossena. Referee: P Dowd (Staffordshire). Booked: Tottenham Lennon, Assou-Ekotto; Liverpool Mascherano, Carragher. Man of the match: King. Attendance: 35,935.

Liverpool 3 - 1 Tottenham Hotspurs

He has made his reputation as one of the hardest defenders around, an old-fashioned stopper hewn from granite, but Sami Hyypia could not hold back the tears when the realisation hit him at Anfield yesterday.

A shrill blast of referee Peter Walton's whistle marked the moment his Liverpool days came to an end and, as he paused before heading down the tunnel one last time, it all became too much for a player who has taken countless knocks without flinching in the 10 years since signing from Willem II for just £2.5million.

Double act: Steven Gerrard races to congratulate Fernando Torres after the Spaniard's 14th league goal of the season

Physical discomfort has never been a problem for the 35-year old Finn, but the wrench of cutting his Anfield ties, ahead of embarking on a new adventure with Bayer Leverkusen, was a different matter as he briefly stood alone near the centre circle, dabbing away tears with his shirt sleeves.

Eager to spare his blushes, his team-mates moved in to mob him before keeper Pepe Reina hoisted him shoulder-high and carried him off to rapturous cheers from fans who had grown impatient for a final glimpse of their favourite.

Not only had Rafa Benitez denied him a starting place, the Liverpool manager kept him on the bench for 4 minutes before finally bowing to pressure from fans who repeatedly chanted: 'Sami, Sami, on, on, on.'

Benitez redeemed himself by choosing Steven Gerrard to make way, allowing the Liverpool skipper to wrap the captain's armband round Hyypia's bicep as they exchanged high fives, and he remained unrepentant over limiting the veteran centre back's farewell appearance to six minutes.

'I just felt it would be more special for the fans to see him for the last few minutes, and it was so nearly a fantastic finale,' he said, referring to an injury-time Hyypia header that was blocked on the line by keeper Heurelho Gomes. 'I was pleased to see him get a reception like that, but I feel sad to be losing such an outstanding professional.

'It was always the plan that Stevie should come off, so Sami could wear the armband, and I knew I couldn't leave it any longer because the fans were pushing and pushing.'

It might not quite qualify as one of Benitez's famous facts, but it remains a fairly safe bet that Liverpool would have pushed Manchester United even closer for the title but for Fernando Torres missing most of October and all of December through injury. Liverpool's record signing provided another reminder of the cutting edge that was sorely missed in his absence as he transferred Liverpool's dominance on to the scoresheet with a 31st-minute breakthrough.

Tottenham's defence left him unmarked, and the inevitable response followed as the £21m marksman planted a six-yard header in off the bar from Dirk Kuyt's cross for his 17th goal of an injury-shortened campaign.

Liverpool doubled their lead with a 64th-minute shot from Kuyt that looked to be drifting wide until Alan Hutton's outstretched leg diverted it past Gomes.

They were found as wanting defensively as Spurs had been in the 77th minute, though, as Robbie Keane marked his Anfield return by controlling a long through-ball before firing past Reina.

The former Liverpool striker, sold back to Tottenham after barely half a season at Anfield, chose not to celebrate and was applauded for his show of good grace.

Perhaps he sensed it was little more than a consolation goal, given a degree of Liverpool supremacy that was duly rewarded in the 81st minute, when Yossi Benayoun held off a half-hearted challenge from Ledley King and rolled a shot under the advancing Gomes.

Benitez was in no mood for giving away transfer secrets but his response to continuing reports of interest from Real Madrid in Xabi Alonso hardly dispelled growing fears that the Spain midfielder may be sacrificed to help fund Liverpool's summer spending plans.

Asked if Alonso will still be a Liverpool player at the start of next season, he said: 'Xabi still has three years left on his contract and is not for sale. I had a private conversation with his agent during the week, and it is interesting to see how some people have interpreted that.'

Tottenham 2-1 Manchester City

Tottenham skipper Robbie Keane grabbed a late winner against Manchester City to keep alive his side's hopes of a European place.

Jermain Defoe had opened the scoring at White Hart Lane, then was involved in a clash that led to one of the assistant referees being injured and replaced at half-time.

Valeri Bojinov equalised for City but Keane scored the winner from the penalty spot, meaning the race for seventh place in the Barclays Premier League will go to the wire.

By only conceding one goal, Spurs also established a new league club record for least goals conceded at home in a season - but it was the fact that they edged an action-packed encounter that really mattered.

After scoring the opener, Defoe was involved in the bizarre incident with the assistant referee on the stroke of half-time.

Nedum Onuoha challenged him on the touchline and as he rolled off the floor Defoe must have felt a touch. The England striker may have felt it was his opponent but it was actually assistant referee Trevor Massey, with Defoe instinctively flicking out.

It did not appear deliberate but Massey still required treatment and was replaced by Stuart Attwell at the interval.

Spurs should have sealed the points by then but Shay Given single-handedly kept his side in the match.

It was Keane who set up the first chance. Defoe had already had a strike ruled out for offside, then Keane slipped him the ball in the fourth minute. Defoe took a touch inside and curled an effort on target, with Given leaping to his left to keep out the effort.

Given's high standards means those type of saves are now expected of him, and he was down sharply again when Roman Pavlyuchenko tried his luck from 25 yards.

The Republic of Ireland stopper pulled another save out of the top drawer when Ledley King connected with Tom Huddlestone's corner, with a reflex stop required on the line.

Given was finally beaten, just before the half-hour mark, by Defoe's impish piece of skill.

Jermaine Jenas shifted the ball to Huddlestone on the right, the cross came over but was slightly behind Defoe, so the striker back-heeled on the volley beyond Given.

It was his first goal since a foot injury in January kept him out for 10 weeks, and City may have been disappointed that Elano was not taken off just before the goal.

The Brazilian was struggling with an eye complaint and was taken off for Pablo Zabaleta just after the opener.

There had been very little for Oasis singer Liam Gallagher to shout about from the stands, only a poked Martin Petrov effort, a finish that suggested he was a player short of confidence and a right foot.

Alan Hutton came on at the break for Jonathan Woodgate, meaning Spurs made a change as well as the officials.

Spurs had won their previous four home matches 1-0 and City were determined to break that sequence, with Micah Richards raiding down the right trying to make something happen.

Felipe Caicedo had sight of goal but his effort was sliced wildly and almost went for a throw.

City boss Mark Hughes responded by introducing Benjani and Bojinov for Petrov and Caicedo, on the hour mark.

Bojinov equalised in the 65th minute. Stephen Ireland chipped the ball into the penalty area, Benjani held off two defenders and Bojinov dipped his volleyed home when it broke for him.

Pavlyuchenko stabbed an effort horribly wide and was then taken off and headed straight down the tunnel, with Spurs boss Harry Redknapp appearing unimpressed with the Russian.

Spurs were awarded their penalty when Richards held Fraizer Campbell, with Keane tucking away the spot-kick.

Benjani missed a sitter for City in the dying moments.

Everton 0-0 Tottenham

FA Cup finalists Everton missed the chance to leapfrog Aston Villa back into fifth place in the Barclays Premier League.

The only consolation was their Wembley-bound side avoided any more of the damaging injuries that have dogged their season and - in the case of Phil Jagielka - robbed a star man of a cup final date.

Spurs needed the win to keep themselves in the hunt for seventh spot and European qualification, and will reflect on their first-half domination and know they too wasted a golden opportunity.

Everton brought teenager Jack Rodwell into midfield for only his eighth start of the season, their only change from the side that won so convincingly at Sunderland last time out.

Lars Jacobsen dropped to the bench and Leon Osman, recovering from an ankle injury, was only risked on the bench.

Spurs made four changes from the side that beat West Brom last weekend, with Alan Hutton, Gareth Bale and Tom Huddlestone returning. Jermain Defoe was back in the starting line-up.

Everton, with European qualification already certain, have little more than pride to play for at this stage. For Spurs, it is altogether more important.

Seventh place will get them into Europe as well, and their desire was evident from the start.

Luka Modric showed pace and invention, and dominated midfield. He was almost put clear early on from a Jermaine Jenas pass, Joleon Lescott snuffing that one out, before Modric's pass sent Defoe scampering away only to be halted by Joseph Yobo.

Everton struggled to get their game going. But, with the rain lashing down, they were encouraged by goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes' poor handling.

Lescott was booked for bringing down Hutton and Steven Pienaar was cautioned for encroaching at the twice-taken free-kick. Bale put both efforts over the bar.

Spurs continued to probe for the breakthrough and only a timely tackle from Lescott took the pace out of a Robbie Keane drive.

But youngsters Dan Gosling and Rodwell in midfield were struggling to pick up the runs and position of Modric, with Spurs continuing to look the more likely to create decent chances.

However, Modric's involvement was slowed considerably by two fierce challenges in as many minutes, one in particular from Tim Cahill left the Croatian limping for some time.

Everton eventually made some inroads. Jonathan Woodgate did well to block a Jo effort after the Brazilian had gone round Gomes, and then Marouane Fellaini dragged an effort wide from Leighton Baines' pass before Rodwell curled a fine effort over the angle from 20 yards.

Hutton was booked for his reaction to a Rodwell tackle, kicking out at the 18-year-old.

Everton were at last showing more urgency and Cahill saw a 25-yarder flash inches wide. Then Gomes dropped a Baines cross and Jo almost made him pay.

Yobo had a couple of efforts blocked, Cahill's header troubled Gomes and then Gosling hit a post after 67 minutes with a bouncing effort from the edge of the box.

That was Gosling's last involvement as he was replaced a minute later by Osman, with Louis Saha coming on for Jo.

Defoe then went close with a shot on the turn that flashed inches wide, Spurs increasingly threatening on the break.

Everton kept coming forward but Woodgate and Ledley King were in outstanding form at the back.

Spurs sent on Roman Pavlyuchenko for Modric with 10 minutes left, their eyes also on a late breakthrough.

The Russian had enough time to be booked, referee Lee Mason pointing out three offences by the striker in quick succession, but not to change the outcome.

Tottenham 1 - 0 Chelsea

Guus Hiddink knows the score but can't close the gap

The strains of Glory, Glory Tottenham Hotspur broke out as the final whistle sounded at White Hart Lane, but down in the King's Road last night the old Ian Dury classic What a Waste might have been more appropriate.

With kick-off delayed for 30 minutes by a security scare outside the ground, Chelsea began the game knowing that Manchester United were losing at Fulham, a defeat confirmed midway through the second half here. The carrot could hardly have been bigger.

Instead, there is merely stick for a lame and limp Chelsea who blew their big opportunity.

Only belatedly did they stir themselves, with Spurs goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes proving himself a hero as the home side clung on to the outstanding Luka Modric's goal from early in the second half.

Chelsea remain four points behind United when the gap could have been just one. 'If it is steamy in the kitchen, you have got to put out the fire,' lamented the Chelsea manager Guus Hiddink.

'We talked at half-time about them coming at us in the first 10 minutes and after that we could control the game. But it was sloppy defence to let them score their goal. Then the team woke up.'

But the wake-up call was from a recurring bad dream. It was this very week last year when they were held 4-4 by Spurs, after being 3-1 up, and their title challenge began its list towards the rocks.

Their stumble this time around was all the more baffling, given their dominance over their north London rivals. They went into the game having lost only once against them in 17 Premier League seasons. In addition, they had won all four league games since Hiddink replaced Luiz Felipe Scolari.

Chelsea met Spurs, though, at a bad time, with Harry Redknapp's managerial manoeuvres now beginning to pay off. They have lost only once at home in 17 games under him, and have taken 14 points from their last six unbeaten games.

'Well-deserved,' was his verdict. 'They only got at us in the last 15 minutes when they started launching it. We are playing as good as anybody in the country. We worked them hard and everybody stuck to their job.'

The UEFA Cup - the Europa League next season - could even be a target. 'You've got to fancy it,' said Redknapp. 'We've got to start looking upwards now.'

Chelsea have not beaten a London club in the league this season and it was easy to see why in the first half.

They were slow to start and although Michael Essien, whose return has galvanised Chelsea, got in a low shot that Gomes saved well, it took almost another half hour for the Tottenham goalkeeper to be troubled again, saving from Nicolas Anelka.

In between, a bubbly Tottenham created the better openings, with Robbie Keane looking especially bouncy.

After Jermaine Jenas had sent a fierce shot just over the angle of Petr Cech's post and crossbar, Keane forced a good save from the goalkeeper with a powerful drive. The Irish striker should have done better, though, when set up by Vedran Corluka for a shot from the edge of penalty area but hit it at Cech.

Surely Hiddink would instil more urgency into his side for the second half? Instead, it was Tottenham who showed greater eagerness and claimed the lead. Aaron Lennon teased Ashley Cole out on the right before sending in a low cross, which was met sweetly by Modric, sweeping the ball in from 12 yards past an uncharacteristically languid Cech.

'Modric is a special footballer,' said Redknapp. 'And he's definitely not a lightweight. He's much stronger than that.'

Chelsea did improve with the arrival of Ricardo Quaresma. First he supplied Frank Lampard for a header that Corluka blocked then, after Drogba had seen a shot saved by Gomes, the Portuguese curled in another that the goalkeeper clutched. The Brazilian did even better with a late save from John Terry's pointblank header.

'I brought him from Brazil to PSV Eindhoven,' said Hiddink of Gomes. 'It was the same there. In the first weeks he had a difficult time but I know that he is a great athlete and will save Tottenham points.'

Now Chelsea can only hope that theirs was an aberration, while Manchester United's almost unheardof consecutive defeats constitute a proper blip.

TOTTENHAM (4-4-2): Gomes; Corluka, Woodgate, King, Assou-Ekotto; Lennon (Zokora 90min), Palacios, Jenas, Modric (O'Hara 87); Bent, Keane.
Subs (not used): Cudicini, Bentley, Huddlestone, Pavlyuchenko, Dawson.
Booked: Palacios, Modric.

CHELSEA (4-4-2): Cech; Bosingwa, Alex, Terry, A Cole; Belletti (Quaresma 61), Essien (Malouda 76), Lampard, Ballack; Drogba, Anelka.

Subs (not used): Hilario, Ivanovic, Di Santo, Kalou, Mancienne.
Booked: Belletti, Ballack.
Referee: M Dean (Wirral).

Tottenham 2 - 1 Aston Villa

Harry Redknapp described Sunday's fine win at high-flying Villa as a 'fantastic result'. In what must be our best win in the Premier League this season, goals early in each half from Jermaine Jenas and Darren Bent secured a 2-1 success at Villa Park.

Brad Friedel was the busier of the two keepers, denying Luka Modric in the first half before flying stops kept out Robbie Keane and Modric again after the break. Aaron Lennon also fizzed a shot inches over.

Villa, who came closest when Emile Heskey hit the crossbar in the first half, replied via John Carew's late header but there were no more scares.

"To go to Villa, one of the best sides around at the moment and take three points is superb for us," said Harry.

"Overall I was delighted because they are a difficult side to play against. They've lots of ability and the crowd get right behind them. It was a great performance.

"The players have been terrific and we're on a good run. We're working hard and getting the rewards.

"We were fantastic against United for two hours at Wembley, came back and beat Middlesbrough 4-0 four days later and that showed real character. We then controlled it at Sunderland and scored a late goal for another good point.

"So we're in good form - we've taken 33 points in 21 games since I've been here and you'd take that average, that's top seven form over the whole season.

"I'm delighted with the players, their attitude has been first class."

Harry made a key decision in the first half to withdraw Didier Zokora and introduce Vedran Corluka to counter the attacking threat of Ashley Young on Villa's left flank.

He explained: "I played Didier against Ronaldo when we played United earlier in the season at White Hart Lane and he was fantastic, I played him right-back against Stewart Downing as well, so we're talking about two of the best left wingers around and he's been brilliant.

"I thought he could do that job again but he found it hard going. He over-covered, got too close to the centre-halves and there was always space.

"Villa got the ball out to Ashley Young, he kept running and when he does that you've no chance.

"Charlie (Vedran) came on, got close to him, stopped him getting the ball and did a superb job. We pushed on from there."

Defoe defies bruised hearts of the spurned

Jermain Defoe is looking forward to his second spell at Spurs.

Behind the enveloping loathing that one feels upon seeing Jermain Defoe returning to White Hart Lane is dormant, wounded love. Prompted by unwelcome nostalgia, the mind's eye turns inward and once more it's 1999 and Prince seems pretty upbeat about something and there's young Jermain in claret and blue; fresh-faced, fleet-footed and chip-toothed, a febrile one man hubbub of potential and opportunity, his story yet to unfurl.

To be honest, it was pretty difficult to avoid nostalgia when Defoe, for his on-pitch unveiling last Wednesday, was togged up like an extra from Bugsy Malone — actually not an extra, he was dressed as Baby Face who, if memory serves, was a depression-era itinerant worker expertly played by a tiny Dexter Fletcher in a cloth cap that after hibernating ever since (but for a brief interlude where it shielded us from Mick Hucknall's scalp crimes) burst back on the scene in a blaze of flashbulbs and flash bastards for Tottenham's Carling Cup semi-final against Burnley.

Tottenham are Defoe's defining club, not West Ham, and any feelings of attachment have to be severed; chew through the umbilical cord with gritted teeth and move on. Perhaps Defoe's dental anomalies can be explained by his willingness to gnaw through any bonding that prevents his ambition being fulfilled, like a trapped fox who can only taste freedom after he has first tasted blood, bone and fur and given limb-tribute to his resolute steel captor.

Once perception is exposed as illusion it must be demolished or we cannot leave its throes. Only saints can continue to adore once spurned; when I hear of former girlfriends marrying or having children I am confronted with a world beyond my control – life goes on without me. Ex-players, like ex-girlfriends, should not continue to exist; they should dutifully march into some canyon beyond the known where their triumphs play out in silence and I don't have to witness the children I'll never have and the goals they'll get for Spurs and can remain blithely fixated on the illusion of self.

The reference of the successfully departed is more painful still when the present is so fractious; the Carlos Tevez saga will not die, the investigation into West Ham's employment of the Argentinian continues. The East End hasn't seen such a long-term commitment to eking out justice since the quest to snare Jack the Ripper. While we're raking over the past and persecuting the Hammers, perhaps Lord Griffiths' arbitration committee should reopen the case of that bracelet Bobby Moore was accused of nicking in Colombia before the 1970 World Cup – yes, he was exonerated but perhaps there's more to this. Who knows, perhaps since that day West Ham have been buoyed by a sense of indefatigability and have accrued undeserved points as a result.

Because that is what ultimately has to be ascertained – how many points can one player's contribution be said to have garnered? I would concur that towards the end of the 2006-07 season Tevez's play did aid the team but when he and Javier Mascherano arrived they were a right couple of bumpkin nitwits; they upset everything with their clumsy, South American, unrefined ways. They lambada'd into Upton Park knocking over vases and treading on toes like a pair of swarthy Frank Spencers.

The unrest they caused among the squad and the disharmony provoked between Alan Pardew and the board must've cost points – in fact, I'd like to calculate that it cost six points, a cup run and a jam sandwich and I want them back. Where's my tribunal? I want Lord Griffiths to work out what would've happened if I hadn't taken drugs as a kid, then compensate or penalise me accordingly.

There's justice, then there's the TV show Quantum Leap in which Scott Bakula "quantum leapt" into the past to poke his nose into people's affairs, usually with the best intentions; well I'd like to tell Scott Bakula and Lord Griffiths to fuck right off – not least for his use of the phrase "oral cuddle" when describing alleged behind-the-scenes assurances offered by West Ham's board to Tevez's handlers when the initial inquiry was in progress back in 1892.

If the West Ham CEO, Scott Duxbury, is giving oral cuddles to Tevez's "agent", Kia Joorabchian, then financial irregularities are no longer my primary concern. Sexuality and linguistics must be given precedence.

I'd like to give the possibly soon-to-be-bankrupt chairman, Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, a vocal rimming to assuage his economic adversity, then perhaps a quick verbal nosh job to allay his anxiety at the collapse of Landsbanki, which is one of those foreign words that makes you question whether or not foreigners really have a language or are just taking the piss. "An Icelandic bank? In which West Ham's Icelandic board were heavily invested? And what is it called, pray tell?" Landsbanki? Childish. "And your telephone communications company, what's that called? Phonio-plop-plop?"

Some bloke told me that the Icelandic consortium behind West Ham also invested in the frozen food chain Iceland; as if that wasn't influenced by the fact it's got the same name as their country. What a barmy way to make decisions. What else did they invest in? Ice poles? Vanilla Ice? I suppose we should be grateful that they didn't change the name of West Ham to "Frosty-Brrrr-Gets-Dark-Early United FC". The past cannot be retrieved or rewritten. Defoe, like Harry Redknapp, belongs to Spurs and West Ham's points belong to West Ham just as surely as relegation belonged to Sheffield United when they went down instead of us, and none of this can be undone but ought to be accepted with the agonised resolve of an exhausted, limping fox.

Transfer Window Deadline day Robbie Keane back to spurs

Hot just in! Robbie Keane has agreed to join Spurs !Liverpool have broken their silence and have confirmed a fee with spurs that will allow the Irishman to return to White Hart Lane.

Keane admitted it was a tough decision to leave Spurs in the summer and he has vowed to win over any fans still unhappy with his initial departure.

Keane quoted (sky sports)

"It was a difficult decision to make to leave Tottenham in the summer," Keane said. "It proved not to be the right move for me.

"I know some Spurs fans will feel I let them down by leaving but I can assure them I shall be giving my all for this club - this club has terrific fans and I want to repay them for all their support. We’ve got to get on and fight our way up that league table."

Arsenal looks like they now have signed the very talented Andrei Arshavin just waiting on final paperwork issue

These where some of the transfer rumours that are hitting football fans this yesterday on the last day.

• Santa Cruz to Man City
• Robbie Keane to Tottenham (done)
• Andrei Arshavin to Arsenal ( 95% done pending)
• Javier Saviola to Liverpool (on loan)
• Jo to Everton (on loan) (done)
• Micah Richards to Aston Villa
• Ricardo Quresma to Chelsea (done)
• Charles N’Zogbia to Wigan ( done)

January window round-up

With the January transfer window drawing to its conclusion yesterday afternoon, Manager Harry Redknapp offers his thoughts on our transfer business conducted over the course of last month.

A total of five players joined the Club- Jermain Defoe, Carlo Cudicini, Wilson Palacios, Pascal Chimbonda and Robbie Keane. Hossam Ghaly, Cesar Sanchez, Paul Stalteri, Charlie Daniels and Andy Barcham all moved on and we wish them well at their new clubs.

"I am pleased with the work we have done this month," considered Harry.

"I would have preferred January to have been a quiet month for us but we were not in a position to do so when you consider our current position in the league. It was obvious that the squad needed strengthening because the results over the past 12 months have shown that to be the case.

"We had to do something and I am delighted with the players we have brought in. They are good players and the Chairman has done a fantastic job in securing them. I am sure they will make us stronger.

"Three players have returned to the Club. They were always good players in my opinion and it was circumstances that resulted in their exits. I am sure the Club did not want to lose any of them in the first place. But they are all back here now and for me they are terrific players.

"Jermain was the first one in and he started ever so well but unfortunately has since picked up a bad injury. He is a goalscorer, he has always scored goals. He has proved that already since his return with three goals in five games.

"Carlo was a great free transfer. In the past he was considered probably as good a goalkeeper as there was in the Premier League and I have been well pleased with him since he has been here. He has been cool, calm and done a good job for us. Everybody should have two or three top goalkeepers at this level. He will work hard to get into the team and it will be good competition in that position.

"Wilson is a terrific midfielder. He is a strong player with a great future. He will come in here and get after it and play aggressively. He is an all-round modern midfielder- he's box-to-box. It was difficult on Saturday in his first game but I felt the longer the game went on, the better he got and I think he will be a big player for us.

"Pascal was here before and can play in several positions- right-back, left-back and as a central defender- and that will be important to us because we need someone like that in our squad. He came off the bench on Saturday and had a hand in both our goals to get us back into the game and will prove to be a good player for us.

"Robbie will be a big, big player for us and I am confident he will be able to forge strong partnerships with all the other strikers we have here. He is such a terrific character and I am glad to have him here because he will be important to us both on and off the field. He is just the type of player we need here and gives his all everytime he plays. He is a leader with great presence in the dressing room and I am sure his enthusiasm will rub off on others. Ledley is our Club captain but because of his injury he accepts he can't be involved every week, so Robbie will be my team captain."