Hull City 1 - 5 Tottenham Hotspur

Jermaine Defoe's hat-trick at Hull made it two wins out of two for Tottenham

From the ridiculous to the sublime. It took Tottenham 10 games to win six points last season; after two outings of the new campaign they boast an impeccable record and sit joint top at the of the Premier League. Having suffered their worst ever start last season, Spurs can now boast, albeit after just two games, their best start since 1965.

Jermaine Defoe led the rout with the season’s first hat-trick, highlighted by a quite stunning third in added time, while Wilson Palacios and Robbie Keane completed this wrecking job. Arsenal made have shocked Everton with a 6-1 win last weekend but Spurs came close.

Tottenham, buoyed by their opening day victory over Liverpool, started strongly with Robbie Keane – and his vivid yellow boots – controlling the game from a deep attacking position.

Peter Crouch had to settle, again, for a strating place on the bench and with only six minutes played Defoe came lose to an opener, the England striker’s delicate chip floating just over Boaz Myhill’s cross bar.

Hull, who gave home debuts to Stephen Hunt, Steven Mouyokolo and Seyi Olofinjana, were struggling to match Defoe’s pace and trickery and when he gave Spurs a 10th minute lead it came as little surprise.

Tom Huddlestone’s low forward pass found Defoe too easily and after easing away from Michael Turner, who found the bottom right-hand corner in sublime fashion.

Hull had shocked Chelsea on Saturday by taking the lead but this time they were the side being embarrassed, with Palacios receiving Keane’s 14th minute ball before finishing in similar fashion.

Spurs’ joy at such an impressive start was tempered by the departure, three minutes after the second goal, of goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes. He damaged an ankle as he went to gather a ball and was replaced by Carlo Cudicini, making his first Spurs appearance since February, curiously at the KC Stadium.

Hull made a change of their own soon afterwards, with Daniel Cousin sacrificed in an attempt to halt Spurs’ march – Geovanni replaced him – but the striker was not impressed and refused to shake the hand of manager Phil Brown.

But the change brought immediate returns. Hunt’s free-kick caused confusion in a defence missing Ledley King and, with Geovanni in close attendance, Cudicini was guilty of letting the bouncing ball find his net.

However, Spurs restored their two-goal advantage in the final minute of the first half when Alan Hutton and Keane combined for Defoe, who outstripped Turner before finishing in sublime fashion.

Hull, who started their first season in such devastating form with six wins from their opening nine games, made another change, replacing Mouyokolo with former Spurs favourite Nicky Barmby, with Bernard Mendy dropping to right-back.

Spurs, though, continued to dominate with 12 minutes remaining, Aaron Lennon’s cross was headed home by Keane. But the best came last with Defoe’s stunning strike in added time.

Tottenham 2-1 Manchester City

Tottenham skipper Robbie Keane grabbed a late winner against Manchester City to keep alive his side's hopes of a European place.

Jermain Defoe had opened the scoring at White Hart Lane, then was involved in a clash that led to one of the assistant referees being injured and replaced at half-time.

Valeri Bojinov equalised for City but Keane scored the winner from the penalty spot, meaning the race for seventh place in the Barclays Premier League will go to the wire.

By only conceding one goal, Spurs also established a new league club record for least goals conceded at home in a season - but it was the fact that they edged an action-packed encounter that really mattered.

After scoring the opener, Defoe was involved in the bizarre incident with the assistant referee on the stroke of half-time.

Nedum Onuoha challenged him on the touchline and as he rolled off the floor Defoe must have felt a touch. The England striker may have felt it was his opponent but it was actually assistant referee Trevor Massey, with Defoe instinctively flicking out.

It did not appear deliberate but Massey still required treatment and was replaced by Stuart Attwell at the interval.

Spurs should have sealed the points by then but Shay Given single-handedly kept his side in the match.

It was Keane who set up the first chance. Defoe had already had a strike ruled out for offside, then Keane slipped him the ball in the fourth minute. Defoe took a touch inside and curled an effort on target, with Given leaping to his left to keep out the effort.

Given's high standards means those type of saves are now expected of him, and he was down sharply again when Roman Pavlyuchenko tried his luck from 25 yards.

The Republic of Ireland stopper pulled another save out of the top drawer when Ledley King connected with Tom Huddlestone's corner, with a reflex stop required on the line.

Given was finally beaten, just before the half-hour mark, by Defoe's impish piece of skill.

Jermaine Jenas shifted the ball to Huddlestone on the right, the cross came over but was slightly behind Defoe, so the striker back-heeled on the volley beyond Given.

It was his first goal since a foot injury in January kept him out for 10 weeks, and City may have been disappointed that Elano was not taken off just before the goal.

The Brazilian was struggling with an eye complaint and was taken off for Pablo Zabaleta just after the opener.

There had been very little for Oasis singer Liam Gallagher to shout about from the stands, only a poked Martin Petrov effort, a finish that suggested he was a player short of confidence and a right foot.

Alan Hutton came on at the break for Jonathan Woodgate, meaning Spurs made a change as well as the officials.

Spurs had won their previous four home matches 1-0 and City were determined to break that sequence, with Micah Richards raiding down the right trying to make something happen.

Felipe Caicedo had sight of goal but his effort was sliced wildly and almost went for a throw.

City boss Mark Hughes responded by introducing Benjani and Bojinov for Petrov and Caicedo, on the hour mark.

Bojinov equalised in the 65th minute. Stephen Ireland chipped the ball into the penalty area, Benjani held off two defenders and Bojinov dipped his volleyed home when it broke for him.

Pavlyuchenko stabbed an effort horribly wide and was then taken off and headed straight down the tunnel, with Spurs boss Harry Redknapp appearing unimpressed with the Russian.

Spurs were awarded their penalty when Richards held Fraizer Campbell, with Keane tucking away the spot-kick.

Benjani missed a sitter for City in the dying moments.

Defoe defies bruised hearts of the spurned

Jermain Defoe is looking forward to his second spell at Spurs.

Behind the enveloping loathing that one feels upon seeing Jermain Defoe returning to White Hart Lane is dormant, wounded love. Prompted by unwelcome nostalgia, the mind's eye turns inward and once more it's 1999 and Prince seems pretty upbeat about something and there's young Jermain in claret and blue; fresh-faced, fleet-footed and chip-toothed, a febrile one man hubbub of potential and opportunity, his story yet to unfurl.

To be honest, it was pretty difficult to avoid nostalgia when Defoe, for his on-pitch unveiling last Wednesday, was togged up like an extra from Bugsy Malone — actually not an extra, he was dressed as Baby Face who, if memory serves, was a depression-era itinerant worker expertly played by a tiny Dexter Fletcher in a cloth cap that after hibernating ever since (but for a brief interlude where it shielded us from Mick Hucknall's scalp crimes) burst back on the scene in a blaze of flashbulbs and flash bastards for Tottenham's Carling Cup semi-final against Burnley.

Tottenham are Defoe's defining club, not West Ham, and any feelings of attachment have to be severed; chew through the umbilical cord with gritted teeth and move on. Perhaps Defoe's dental anomalies can be explained by his willingness to gnaw through any bonding that prevents his ambition being fulfilled, like a trapped fox who can only taste freedom after he has first tasted blood, bone and fur and given limb-tribute to his resolute steel captor.

Once perception is exposed as illusion it must be demolished or we cannot leave its throes. Only saints can continue to adore once spurned; when I hear of former girlfriends marrying or having children I am confronted with a world beyond my control – life goes on without me. Ex-players, like ex-girlfriends, should not continue to exist; they should dutifully march into some canyon beyond the known where their triumphs play out in silence and I don't have to witness the children I'll never have and the goals they'll get for Spurs and can remain blithely fixated on the illusion of self.

The reference of the successfully departed is more painful still when the present is so fractious; the Carlos Tevez saga will not die, the investigation into West Ham's employment of the Argentinian continues. The East End hasn't seen such a long-term commitment to eking out justice since the quest to snare Jack the Ripper. While we're raking over the past and persecuting the Hammers, perhaps Lord Griffiths' arbitration committee should reopen the case of that bracelet Bobby Moore was accused of nicking in Colombia before the 1970 World Cup – yes, he was exonerated but perhaps there's more to this. Who knows, perhaps since that day West Ham have been buoyed by a sense of indefatigability and have accrued undeserved points as a result.

Because that is what ultimately has to be ascertained – how many points can one player's contribution be said to have garnered? I would concur that towards the end of the 2006-07 season Tevez's play did aid the team but when he and Javier Mascherano arrived they were a right couple of bumpkin nitwits; they upset everything with their clumsy, South American, unrefined ways. They lambada'd into Upton Park knocking over vases and treading on toes like a pair of swarthy Frank Spencers.

The unrest they caused among the squad and the disharmony provoked between Alan Pardew and the board must've cost points – in fact, I'd like to calculate that it cost six points, a cup run and a jam sandwich and I want them back. Where's my tribunal? I want Lord Griffiths to work out what would've happened if I hadn't taken drugs as a kid, then compensate or penalise me accordingly.

There's justice, then there's the TV show Quantum Leap in which Scott Bakula "quantum leapt" into the past to poke his nose into people's affairs, usually with the best intentions; well I'd like to tell Scott Bakula and Lord Griffiths to fuck right off – not least for his use of the phrase "oral cuddle" when describing alleged behind-the-scenes assurances offered by West Ham's board to Tevez's handlers when the initial inquiry was in progress back in 1892.

If the West Ham CEO, Scott Duxbury, is giving oral cuddles to Tevez's "agent", Kia Joorabchian, then financial irregularities are no longer my primary concern. Sexuality and linguistics must be given precedence.

I'd like to give the possibly soon-to-be-bankrupt chairman, Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson, a vocal rimming to assuage his economic adversity, then perhaps a quick verbal nosh job to allay his anxiety at the collapse of Landsbanki, which is one of those foreign words that makes you question whether or not foreigners really have a language or are just taking the piss. "An Icelandic bank? In which West Ham's Icelandic board were heavily invested? And what is it called, pray tell?" Landsbanki? Childish. "And your telephone communications company, what's that called? Phonio-plop-plop?"

Some bloke told me that the Icelandic consortium behind West Ham also invested in the frozen food chain Iceland; as if that wasn't influenced by the fact it's got the same name as their country. What a barmy way to make decisions. What else did they invest in? Ice poles? Vanilla Ice? I suppose we should be grateful that they didn't change the name of West Ham to "Frosty-Brrrr-Gets-Dark-Early United FC". The past cannot be retrieved or rewritten. Defoe, like Harry Redknapp, belongs to Spurs and West Ham's points belong to West Ham just as surely as relegation belonged to Sheffield United when they went down instead of us, and none of this can be undone but ought to be accepted with the agonised resolve of an exhausted, limping fox.